I decided it is time to “come out” because I fear my double life has more than doubled and I am having sleepless nights lately as a result.
I know a few people living the double life and in my part of the world and probably everywhere else, it is okay for men to live the double life.I know a guy who just moved to my neighbourhood for his true love,but things are not quite working out ,so he has found two others who are competing for his head and heart and makes no secret of it. (Details on him later)
However, for fear of being judged or self doubt , most women are likely to take theirs to the grave. A secret they will rather die with than tell and live.
I bet the first thought of living the double life comes across as a taboo , but I found out living a double life can be a good thing. If you for a moment forget the meanings people have attached to it and dig deeper for a meaning of your own.
My idea of a double life need not be secretive.It has to be sought after and appreciated. Especially if it is about telling the world what you are made of and have to offer.
I chose to open up because others opened up their double lives to me and though my fears have kept me awake , I have been truly inspired to stop wishing and start doing.
In one day and at one central location , I met so many women living the double life more than I have ever seen my entire life. Take Kuorkor , a Banker by day as well as a super innovative natural hair salon owner.
S , is a Brand Consultant and Strategist as well as a talented makeup artist who can transform Shrek into Cinderella with her brush , her understanding of colours and what works best for each individual.
P , works within aviation full time and is a top notch Fashion Designer who knows her industry so well and designs amazing clothes to boot.
Then I thought of *Julia , a fulltime auditor with one of the Big 4 global accounting firms , who also co-owns a super cool jewelry store.
*Lira , a Head of Communications for a global Charity who also makes amazing wigs.
Noufoh , a top researcher with a PhD in Food Science, and a self -taught bag designer.
Hati , a Real Estate Broker, author, Financial Consultant ,who runs an Educational Charity focussed on building schools and libraries. She is giving our future leaders the chance to study in safe and comfortable classrooms like any kid deserves. Without her Charity , these children will either not bother with school or be studying under trees instead and be at the mercy of the weather and other harsh realities better left unsaid.
By the way , the guy i mentioned earlier , moved to my neighbourhood to find opportunities in carpentry , his true love , but is now an event photographer and a shoemaker! How can the double life not be good? And who is to say only men can live it?
My own double life has taken so many forms.
Most days , I am leading a strategic meeting , conducting a management training or coaching and mentoring corporate executives and graduates on being globally competitive.
My double life takes over when i take time to learn the drums , so i can play at church if the drummer doesn’t show or is late.And he is usually late.
I buy a lot of beautiful art pieces or my double life gets commissioned by clients on a tight deadline to make as many as 20 unique pieces at a go or sometimes i make just 1 for myself or family.
To satisfy my interior decorating self , I will transform ordinary things to beautiful pieces…
Or , i take on a major project such as a canteen and turn it into an office and have 90% of the furniture designed and sprayed by myself.
Word of caution , don’t underestimate any woman just because you see her one day in an oversized flip-flops. She just might be plotting her next big move. My seamstress thinks I am a Fashion Designer in hiding. I will surprise her and just say “what the heck” and prove both of us right!
To all the “double lifers” I know and the inspiring women I met at the Natural Beauty Bazaar (co organized by “double lifer” Kuorkor’s company Twist and Locs) , thank you for the wake up call and being so inspiring.
Like talents and ideas , some have one , others have five or more which are not related to each other. It is okay to pursue it and still be discovering who you are , what you are made of and what you can do if you listen to YOU first and others second. (Except those who believe in you even when you don’t)
Everything you need is inside of you. God has given us all we need. Only you can stop you with excuses , so if you know what you have then , start doing and stop wishing.
There is something inside of you waiting to pop out , so please step out , it is all YOU,regardless of the style.
Scary as the thought might seem ,I am taking my own advice and ready to explore more of my double life yet unknown to the world.
And if I still cannot sleep , I might just form a “double lifers anonymous”,where I bet we can relate and support everyone living this kind of double life.
Because it can be fun and tough in equal measure.
Oh! I can bring food to our “double lifer anonymous” meetings , because I have cooked for 50 people before on four separate occasions , with very little help when budget was tight and caterers failed to deliver .
*Names have been changed because I am yet to ask their permission to reveal their identities!